Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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