Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
