im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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