She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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