i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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