this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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