I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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