Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
