if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
