he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
