Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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