Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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