note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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