i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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