Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
