There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
