You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
