At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
