so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
