how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
