thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
