I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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