We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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