i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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