Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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