Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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