I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
