theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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