I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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