get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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