1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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