and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
