My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
