You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
