he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
