i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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