I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
