she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
