the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
