yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
