HIV tests are more positive than that guy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
