just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
