I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
