hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
