I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
