Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
