Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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