I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
