I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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