Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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