I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
