my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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