forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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