i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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