i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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