I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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