I have demons in me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
