Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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