I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
