holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
