i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
