Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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