I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
