lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were trust falling into bushes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
