your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i've created a new STD.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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