My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
