someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
