...so i touched it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
