well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
